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dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS

elodieunderglass:

a-modern-major-general:

elennare:

elinor-cross-productions:

i-gwarth:

thelittleblackfox:

write-like-an-american:

rookerstash-after-dark:

123-its-just-me:

typhoidmeri:

dizzy-redhead:

geekandmisandry:

someoneintheshadow446:

catsfeminismandatla:

geekandmisandry:

laughlikesomethingbroken:

thatgirlonstage:

laughlikesomethingbroken:

laughlikesomethingbroken:

wearevengeancenow:

the-thorster:

fozmeadows:

These horrific, sexist, racist paragraphs - screenshotted and shared for posterity by James Smythe, to whom we are all indebted - are the work of one Liam O’Flynn, a writer and English teacher. Evidently, they come from his book Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English, and are intended as examples of good writing.

UM.

Dear white male writers: DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. IT IS SUPER GROSS AND FETISHISTIC AND ALSO TERRIBLE WRITING. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS. 

Like I just. “Her virility-brown eyes -” WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN? How can you have an “Amazonian figure” ON a “wafer-thin body” when “figure” is a word that describe’s a body’s shape, and Amazonian means pretty much the DIRECT FUCKING OPPOSITE of “wafer-thin” in the first place?  What the shitting fuck does ANY of this mean, apart from “I am only nebulously familiar with the concept of women and completely at a loss if I can’t compare their various bodyparts to jewels, animals and footstuffs”?

STOP 

GO TO WRITING JAIL

GO DIRECTLY TO WRITING JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200

tag yourself i’m the two beryl-green jewels in the snow

if her ears frame her nose do they like, grow directly beside her nose? how does she see from them? 

*facepalm*

Writing With Stardust: the Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers, and lovers of English

lovers of english

oh my goddddddd

i can’t get over this fucking post

“I loved her nebulous, eden-green eyes which were a-sparkle with the ‘joie de vivre’. They were like two beryl-green jewels melted onto snow.”

1. what the fuck is joie de vivre

2. melted jewels?

3. beryl green

eden green:

WHICH ONE IS ITTTTTTTTT

@laughlikesomethingbroken “Joie de vivre” is a French phrase that literally translates to “joy of living”, while it IS one of those phrases that gets used in English in this context it is SO EXTRA AND UNNECESSARY OH MY GOD. Don’t use French to make yourself sound sophisticated when you’re NOT I don’t know where to even START. Curvilinear waist? Sugar candy-sweet? What the FUCK are seraph’s ears? Voguish clothes? What the everloving fuck is “constellation blue” supposed to mean??? Like forget the objectification, this writing is horrifying enough before we even get to the embedded sexism

seraph’s ears are ears that you can’t see bc they’re hidden behind her 6 wings

Oyster white teeth?

holy purple prose batman

Female writers do this too. Have you read a Mills and Boon novel? Have you read high school girls’ yaoi fanfics?

Uh oh, we were focusing too much on how a grown man is selling this shit and not enough shitting on teenage girls. Egalitarians here to put an end to that shit.

Guess what? I’ve read A LOT of Harlequin novels and a LOT of fanfic and I have never ever seen anything this horrible at description.

Also, none of those stories were trying to hold themselves up as high examples of the craft

You guys here is the description of the book on Amazon.

If this is the description I cannot think how bad the inside is.

I never ever want to hear anyone make fun of fanfic writers again

NEVER EVER

Lord god almighty. I’ve been feeling really down about my writing lately, but this is a confidence boost. 8I

“single but in a long term relationship”

3.6/5 is entirely too high a Goodreads score for this book

… that second one is describing a dog.

As well as the sexism, racism, purple prose, and general nonsense… “The moons delicate light”? At least learn to use apostrophes correctly before setting yourself up as a writing expert, good lord.

“You will find that this book will transform the way you think about descriptive writing.”

Well it sure did that…

Gosh

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